to whom it may concern...

A lot of people say that time heals all wounds but I wonder for how long?
It been a year exactly since my life change forever, that I realized I was missing something and that I had met the person who could have filled that part of my life. I can remember vividly the scene, what had transpired. I couldn’t understand what happened after that but it seemed that it was either the biggest mistake that I could ever make or the greatest happiness I ever felt.
I was the type of person who believed in love at first sight or to a prince charming who sweeps you off your feet. I believed in fairytales and love stories that would make me weep. I wanted all that until you came. And with you, there was no need for those because being with you was enough for me. With you, I couldn’t ask for more.
Maybe it was my innocence or my ignorance but I did fall. I couldn’t help it. For the longest time I had tried to shield myself from falling in love because I was too chicken, too afraid of getting hurt but somehow I thought you were different. I thought you didn’t break hearts as others do. I didn't have to think and you caught me with my guard down, something that I haven’t done for such a long time. And even without knowing the whole of you, I didn’t realize that I loved you until too late. Time went by and all I wanted was to see yoru smile, to hear your laughter and crazy comments, to hug you when your down to, to kiss your face the way you kiss mine. I wanted you to stay. I was hoping you would stay.

You turned me inside out and you showed me,
what life was about, only you,
the only one that stole my heart away,
and I want to do what I can just to show you,
make you understand, only you,
the only one who stole my heart away.

I can't explain how I feel. I don't even know where to start. I can't explain why every time I wake up, you’re the first thing that comes to mind and even when I go to sleep, you’re the last. I can't explain why i wanted you to stay. I wished to countless stars until I couldn’t wish anymore. I prayed and I prayed until my hands and knees hurt. But it wasn’t long that I realize that those hands weren’t mine to hold, those arms won’t be mine to hug and those lips weren’t mine to kiss. It wasn’t long that everything sunk in and collapsed. What was I waiting for? What was I holding on to?
I guess you really can’t blame me for hurting this much cuz you are the first person aside from my family that I was willing to risk everything for. I hurt. I hurt so much that I couldn’t even tell you how much. I remember you telling me before that I shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed to tell you anything but I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t want to scare you or scare myself so I pretended nothing was wrong. I hid the pain until couldn’t take it. I cried, cried and cried but I knew that with one smile from you all the tears wouldn’t matter anymore. I knew that with just one hug everything would be alright again. I tried to understand you, believe me I did, your unpredictableness, your moodiness, your mixed feelings. I made up reasons until I couldn’t think of any anymore. I made myself believe that you were indeed busy and you were just too stubborn to realize that you love me too and I was willing to wait, even with all the pain I’ve been through. I was willing. I am willing. God knows I am.
I wanted to tell so much how I felt. I wanted to tell you I needed you with me. I wanted so much to tell how much I love you. But I wasn’t pushing my luck, I made myself content to the littlest things that you were willing to share me with me. I pretended nothing mattered but in reality I was slowing breaking down.

The whole world knows its true,
I’m so in love with you
Baby, look at me and in my eyes you’ll see
what everybody knows

I had cherished the times that we were together. Like snapshots in my mind, I kept our happy memories so that I'll have a reminder of how i fell, crashed and burned. I hope you won’t mind but I also kept your smile in my heart so that I know where to look for it when I miss you. So that I know where to look when i couldn't see you.
Although after everything that has happened, I didn’t regret everything I did. I didn’t regret all the sneaking and hiding, I didn’t regret getting caught and hearing long sermons from people who mattered. I didn’t regret believing. I didn’t regret loving. I didn’t regret losing control. I didn’t regret growing up.
I am slowly convincing myself that you and I aren’t just meant to be. I am slowly convincing myself that you are not the one for me. I am slowly convincing myself that I can live without your touch and your laugher. I am slowly convincing myself that I am better off with somebody else. I am hoping indeed that I can convince myself. But really, I want you to know that I was real, as real as I know how to be. You touched my life in a special way that after what happened, wounds will mean nothing. I loved you, I love you. I love you to the bestest and with the only way I know how. Time may worsened the wounds if it is always touched so I hope that by letting it be, it will heal on its on and I am waiting for that day.